No One Can Do It For You, But You Can't Do It Alone

“No one can do it for you, but you can’t do it alone.”

                                                            – People’s House – Denver, Colorado’s Motto

The quote above has its origins in the drug and alcohol rehabilitation world. 

As an adult child of an alcoholic, this statement has particular resonance for me.  However, regardless of addiction has impacted our lives (and for most of us, it has), this adage holds just as true as a profound lesson in life.

We all encounter challenges in our lives.  Although some of these trials may seem to come “out of the blue” to impact us, upon reflection we find most of the experiences which test us are of our own making; either through our own actions, thoughts and/or beliefs. 

As much as we might want to have someone come and rescue us or find someone to blame during these times of challenge, these are aspects of our life that we need to take ownership of. 

When we take accountability for each of our life’s situations and then take action to move through them, we begin the journey to experience breakthroughs in our life. 

If you are like me, you will find after reflecting upon one of these life challenges, what a gift these experiences actually were in helping us to grow and expand.  If fact, they become events that we are actually proud of experiencing and moving through. 

If you don’t believe me, think about how often you speak with satisfaction about an easy experience versus sharing your pride and happiness about overcoming a life challenge. 

Thankfully, these challenges are our own that no one can handle for us as we end up coming out of them a better person on the other side.

However, although no one can move through these challenges for you, it's okay to ask for help.

In my early speaking career, I “cut my teeth” in the business by presenting to the many service organizations in the Denver area (Thank you, Joe Sabah).  In the early days, it was not uncommon for me to have multiple speaking engagements not only in the same week, but also in the same day. 

One day, after sharing my message on overcoming challenges, an audience member came to see me afterwards and said, 

“I agreed with everything you said, however, in working as a drug and alcohol counselor for the past 25 years, I think you need to remind your listeners one more thing - that it is OK to ask for help.  In all my years of treating patients in my field, this is the most powerful lesson I have learned and can teach others.”

Deeply moved by what he had said, I agreed to add this message to the talk I would be delivering later that same day.

After my second speech was completed that day, a line of audience members once again formed to chat with me. 

Although I was present with each person I encountered, I could not help but notice an elderly man who was waiting in line to speak to me.  Looking to be in his seventies, he shuffled forward in short, halting steps, gently navigating his wheeled oxygen tank through the crowd with breathing tubes secured to his nostrils.

Finally, it was his turn and he approached me with a calm yet inspired look in his eyes.  He leaned toward me and said in a soft voice, 

“All my life, I had the best of everything.  I had a wonderful career, a beautiful wife and children, a great business, and a magnificent home.  I had everything.  Then this happened to me,” he said, pointing at the tubes in his nose, “and I realized I had to ask for help.”

His words touched me deeply. 

How many times in my own life had I struggled but refused to ask for assistance because of embarrassment, pride, or the perception that others would find me weak, unqualified, or inept. 

As leaders, we might resist asking others for their wisdom, support, or assistance because we feel we need to do it all ourselves to appear strong and worthy of leadership. 

However, my experience has taught me that when I do ask for help, I am not only making myself more approachable and relatable to those I encounter, but I am actually showing more strength through my vulnerability.  Or as one of my teachers once told me,

“100% strength comes from 100% vulnerability.”

This week, I challenge all of us to take on our challenges head on and ask for help where needed. 

Where would giving up the façade that that you have it all together and showing your strength AND vulnerability actually serve you and the people in your life you love and lead more completely? 

I can promise you, when you do, you will find it one of the most liberating and empowering experiences of your life.

With this remember……………No one can do it for you, but you can’t do it alone.

Chris Natzke

Black Belt Leadership Speaking & Coaching

PS:  If you are looking to have a breakthrough in this, CLICK HERE to check out my upcoming Breaking Through Coaching Program.  Early registration ends 12/15/23!